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This blog is the home of THE MAMALUTION! Calling all moms, grandmoms, sisters & aunts to tap into their instinctual & intuitive wisdom to save the day! It is time for our collective voice to be heard.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Sacred Relationship

Being a “Busy Green Mom” can take a toll on ones relationship with their Beloved. It is essential that we maintain the balance between trying to save the world and preserving the grounding force which makes manifesting our visions possible. For me, my husband is the one who helps to ground me and make my dreams come true.

He’s the one who bears the burden of turning our ideas into reality. On most days he starts off enthusiastic and willing to show up. On grumpy days, “our” ideas become mine alone and he wants nothing to do with the “vision”. It’s these days that I make sure I am extra appreciative and remind him how much I adore him.

I know I am blessed to have found my perfect mate – someone strong enough to hold the big vision while willing to make some sacrifices along the way. I try to My husband in no way is wishy washy, yet he is comfortable enough with his masculine self to allow me to express my full feminine self.

Once in awhile our egos get in the way, but for the most part we are both committed to each other, our family, our community and the big picture. Together we continue to redefine and reshape our ideas and how we want to live in the world.

We find success when we keep the lines of communication open and ensure any time alone that we cane get. This itself can be a it challenging raising a blended family of six activist children and running our businesses with a team of staff. We work every day, including weekends and homeschooling our kids is a full time job. They are with us almost ALL the time, leaving my husband and I very little one on one time.

Strategies must be developed to ensure private, uninterrupted moments. A lot of effort is needed to coordinate any amount of alone time. We treasure the minutes we have to synchronize our thoughts and review our schedules and try to remember to say “I love you”.

Having half of the six on particular days can evoke a sense of spaciousness. Weekends alone with Cordie, our only child together, is like a breath of fresh air. Yet, on rare occasions it can be more challenging as she emotionally whines for her sisters to come home.

Recently we have added to our dilemma the adoption of two new puppies. So the rare moments that all the kids are away we now have puppies to watch over! Not sure what I was thinking on that one (that’s another story).

Some days I have to remind myself that I am talking to another adult rather than my children (or puppies). I have become accustomed to constantly repeating things three or four times to each of the children and find myself unconsciously doing the same with him.

The effect of repetition is relevant in the case of developing, distracted young minds but not so effective with my other half. He constantly reminds me that he actually hears what I say and gets annoyed that I talk to him like one of the kids.

His other complaint is that many evenings he feels he is competing with the computer, or the “blue screen” as he calls it. This he mutters while drifting off to sleep as he clings to the edge of the bed as our youngest lies between us with arms and legs spread. On occasion, after drifting off to sleep, he is abruptly jabbed in the ribs with a little foot. More muttering, Ah, the joys of family life.

Probably the most upsetting thing for my husband is the pace at which we live our lives and the multiplicity of multi-tasking that I take on. For me, it is a challenge to see how much I can actually accomplish at one time. It is as if another aspect of me takes over – I call this my take charge mode – and I become determined to get things done.

For me husband, my take charge mode is his worst nightmare. He resists the schedules, panics with deadlines and resents the fact that we can’t go anywhere or do anything without a cause attached. These are the moments when he will complain about being a chauffeur or babysitter, tell me how much work he has to do or how much more important his work is or literally just reaches a standstill in his ability to give or do anything else for the cause.

Luckily these times are not that frequent and if I plan well enough can be prevented. Success lies in the planning! If we develop a strategy based on our values (i.e. loving relationship, saving the world, raising children on organic food …) then we can move on to the next step: developing plans of action.

This is where the fun begins and where we as moms can begin to share our wisdom and experiences with one another on how to more efficiently and effectively live the green dream in ways that incorporate our families, including our husbands!

1 comment:

Paula said...

I can only imagine the stress on your marriage.

Sometime it is essential to turn off the "saving the world" mode and turn on living in the moment. In fact...everyday should have a good chunk of NOW time...especially important for folks like yourself who work so tirelessly for justice. Just be, relax and rest in optimism.

ps...your husband is an angel!